Cooking with the Xmen
by adam-bat
Summary: Cyclops has decided that a team that cooks together stays together so the X-men are forced to take to the kitchen. This is the final chapter and chaos runs rampant.
1. Default Chapter

Ok folks here's another story from the mind of Adam_bat.  Please note that this isn't in continuation of any kind, it's just a fun little story I came up with so enjoy.  PS I don't own any of them don't sue, I have no money and have to ride the city bus everyday.  Thank you.

The Meeting 

Cyclops stood before the team and smiled at them in anticipation, 'This is a good idea, hell it's a great idea.' He thought and his grin grew even wider.

'Calm down Scott,' Jean gently urged him via their telepathic link, 'You're beaming over and haven't even told anyone your idea yet, including me.'

'Sorry,' He replied as Wolverine sauntered in and sat down, 'oh good everyone is here.'

Jean was mildly surprised that Cyclops didn't say anything about Logan's late arrival. 'He must really be excited.'  She thought, but didn't share it.

"Well now that everyone is here I guess I should tell you all what this meeting is about."  Scott was using his no-nonsense voice and tried his best to look serious.  "Now lately I've noticed that our team has begun to drift by the wayside.  I look around and watch us work and I don't see that old team spirit.  There isn't any one for all and all for…"

"Yeah, yeah we know the phrase now get on with it Cyke!"  Wolverine interrupted.  He hated the whole pep rally thing and couldn't care less what Cyclops thought about the ideal team.

"Glad to hear you're anxious to move on Wolverine!"  Cyclops exclaimed and Logan blinked at his enthusiasm.  "Well I thought more Danger Room sessions weren't helping so what could I do?  Well…Voila!"  He pulled out a stack of papers and began passing them out.  "This is a duty schedule for the week.  Only this duty is made to be fun and help build relationships.  I've scheduled a pair of you to make breakfast and dinner for different days, and then we'll all sit down and eat together as a big happy team.  What you make is your decision but the point is to wok together.  And," His voice took on a serious tone, "incase your wondering not participating will mean team suspension and more unpleasant duties like toilet scrubbing."

Everyone groaned and picked up a list.  Cyclops smiled, "That's all see you bright and early tomorrow for breakfast as a team!"  The X-men all filed out of the room and Jean got up to talk to Scott.

"Are you sure this is a good idea honey?" She asked and Scott just smiled.

"Of course, you'll see how well it brings everyone together." 


	2. Monday

Monday

Bobby was sleeping soundly when Beast bounded into his room.

"Wake up dear Robert for the dawn has come and the day is new.  You and I have breakfast duty this morning!"  Hank was cheerful and ready to start.

"Go away."  Bobby moaned pulling the blankets over his head and turned away from his friend.

"I had feared that you might have a disagreement about getting up so…" He grabbed Bobby around the waist, bounded into the bathroom, and threw him into a tub of water. "Allez oop!"

"Agghhhh!!"  Bobby yelled and sputtered water. "Okay, I'm up!!"  He wrung out his pajamas, "geez Hank!"

"I shall meet you in the kitchen and I hope a repeat of this feat will not be necessary."  He grinned and strode out the door.

Bobby changed into some dry clothes and headed to the kitchen.

"So Bobby," Beast asked his friend when he had joined him, "What sort of dish can you make?"

"Well," Said Bobby and began ticking off on his fingers, "I can make cereal, toast, pop-tarts, frozen waffles, and…did I mention toast and cereal?"

Beast sighed, "we shall make bacon and scrambled eggs, you can make the eggs."  He went to the fridge and pulled out the ingredients. "Simply crack the eggs in a bowl beat and heat."

"Sounds easy.  Ok buddy you got it." Iceman gave Hank a mock salute and began cracking eggs.  Hank heated up the pans and started the bacon.

"Eggs are ready."  Bobby said and presented the bowl of yellow liquid.

"Good, just pour it into the pan and stir every now and again.  Watch my bacon while I take a…em, bathroom break."  Beast left and Bobby began cooking the eggs.

"Geez this much food is gonna take forever."  He mused, "Unless…" He looked at the stove and adjusted the heat on the bacon and eggs.  The food began to sizzle in response.  "Now were cookin!"  He crowed, "Ow!!"  He yelped as the bacon began to pop. "Hey! Ow!"  He tried to reach over and turn down the flame when suddenly the pan burst into flame.

"HOLY CRAP!!!"  He yelled, "Ok, don't panic, I know your not supposed to throw water on a grease fire.  But, what do I use?"  He frantically searched about and saw the huge canister marked flour. "Bingo!"  He grabbed the can and dumped the contents all over the stove.

FWOOOOSHHH!!!!!  The entire stove and nearby counter burst into flame.

"AGGGGHHHHH FIRRRRREEEEE!!!!!"  Iceman thrust his hands in front of him and ice formed over the entire area.  Seeing the flames had ceased he began panting and wearily muttered, "That was kinda cool."

Beast walked in and Bobby whirled to face him, "WHAT HAPPENED?!" The blue mutant yelled in shock.

"I, I…grease fire."  Iceman stammered.  Cyclops burst in the door behind Beast.

"What's going on here?! What's all the yelling?!"

The two friends looked at each other and shrugged.  Then they looked back at Cyclops and in unison replied, "Breakfast."

Cyclops sighed and left.

"You get the bowls and I'll make the toast?"  Bobby said, grabbing a loaf of bread.

"Cold cereal and toast it is!"  Beast said cheerfully.

It was that evening and Scott was going mad trying to find Logan and Gambit.  He had cleaned up the mess and fixed the stove from Iceman and Beast's breakfast fiasco and was now searching for the two black sheep of his team.  The two were scheduled for dinner duty but had yet to report to the kitchen.  He passed by the rec room and saw Gambit watching TV.

"Gambit!"  He yelled and approached the Cajun, "You and Logan are supposed to cook tonight.  Where is he?"

"Gambit and Logan agreed dat we be havin pizza tonight, so he gone lookin for coupons."

"You can't do that!"  Cyclops protested, "The point is for the two of you to work together."

"But we are homme."  Gambit replied coolly, "He be lookin for de coupons and Gambit watch de TV for any ads."

"Got the coupons Cajun."  Logan said walking in with an ad sheet in hand.

"NO!"  Cyclops yelled, "You two have to make something.  Now the rest of the team and I are going to be in the danger room so that should give you two plenty of time to whip something up."  He abruptly turned and walked out, not listening to the other men's protests.

"Guess we gotta make somethin."  Logan growled and headed for the kitchen, Gambit close behind.

"So what should we make Mon Ami?"  Gambit asked leaning against a counter.

"Well I can make chili, or steak, or stew."  Wolverine headed to the fridge and sniffed around. "Course we ain't got ingredients for any o' those things."  Gambit approached and looked around.

"Humph.  Der ain't noting Gambit can make neither."

"What about gumbo?" Logan asked, "You can make that with anything."

"Der ain't no okra, or shrimp, or crawdad.  How Gambit suppose t'make gumbo wif out dose tings?"

"Hey ease up, I ain't the one that does the shoppin round here." Logan said defensively. 

"Yeah?  Why don you make yo chili wif dat stuff in der?"  

"We ain't got no beans or chili meat."  Logan growled. "So what're we supposed to do hmm Cajun?"

"Oh, Gambit sposed to be de one wif all de answers den?"

"Sorry, my mistake.  I confused ya with someone who had any skills whatsoever."

"Gambit got more skills den you little man." Gambit took a threatening step forward.

"Bein a thief don't count as a skill swamp rat."  Logan matched Gambit's step and clenched his fist.

"Well if bein an animal counts as skills den you got Gambit der savage."  Gambit spat back.

SNIKT! Wolverine popped his claws.

FSSZZ! Gambit charged a card.

One hour later.

Bobby walked into the kitchen to see what smelled so good.

"Hey what's cook…ing."  His jaw dropped and he looked around the trashed kitchen turned war zone.

Gambit stood over the stove stirring sauce.  His coat was shredded, his eye was black and he was obviously favoring his right leg.  On the other side of the kitchen Wolverine sat on the counter top.  His clothes had burn marks, his lip was busted but healing, and he was pulling pieces of counter tile out of his forearm.  The cabinet doors hung by a single hinge or not at all, claw marks and craters scarred the surface of the counter tops and even the refrigerator was blown open and cut into.  

Despite the chaos an egg timer went off with a pleasant "Ding!"  and Logan got up and began draining noodles off the stove.

"So,"  Bobby began again, "what's for dinner."

Without turning around the two answered, "Spaghetti."

Dinner was over and everyone had cleared his or her plates except for Cyclops and Jean.

"Well that was great!"  Cyclops beamed, "I knew those two could work together.  I can't believe I've never thought of this before."

Jean smiled and patted his shoulder as she rose with her plate, "I take it you haven't seen the kitchen yet."

Well that's Monday for ya.  Anyhoo want to know what the rest of the week's gonna be like, that is if Cyclops continues with this great idea of his, then stay tuned.  Oh PS let me know who you think should pair up and I'll see about using it ok, thanks.


	3. Tuesday

Well here it is the latest from the kitchen.  Hope you guys enjoy!

Tuesday

Cyclops had spent all night calling Maytag and Sears, but he finally got the kitchen fixed up and a new refrigerator installed.  Rogue and Sam stood in the kitchen admiring their leaders work.  

"So?" Asked Sam, "what do we make for the team?"

Rogue moved to a cupboard and pulled out a box.  "How about grits?"  She asked and Cannonball got excited.

"I love grits!!!"  He exclaimed, "I used to eat them all the time."

"Ok then I'll start the water a boilin' and you get some toast an fixins ready."  Rogue got out a pan and began preparing the food.

Ten minutes later and the porridge like dish was ready. "It's all done." 

"Great.  I got the toast and mustard and…"  

"Mustard?"  Rogue said and wrinkled her nose, "Who puts mustard in grits?"

"I do, there good that way."  Sam said, defending his choice of condiments.

"Well I like sugah and honey on mine.  It's sweet that way."

"Fine.  I'll bring out all three and see what everyone else likes."

Rogue nodded and began pulling bowls down from the cupboard.  While her back was turned Sam reached into the pot and pulled out a finger full of grits and shoved it into his mouth.  He immediately began to gag.

*Cough* "Ughhh *hack* what did you do to these grits!"  He yelled while spitting up.

"What do you mean?!"  Rogue asked, turning around to glare at him.

"Their disgusting!"  He stuck out his tongue.  In a quick instant Rogue reached out and snatched his tongue between her thumb and forefinger.  Sam yelped in surprise.

"Are you sayin you don't like mah cookin?" She growled at him.

Sam's eyes went wide in panic and he stammered, "No, no I wike yo wood.  Num num." He rubbed his belly and did his beast to smile.  Rogue eyed him and then let his tongue go.

"Good.  No one puts down on mah cookin."  She went back to the stove and began stirring the gruel within. "IT'S READY!!"  She yelled, "Go set the table!"

Cannonball immediately jumped up and, grabbing the spoons and bowls, rushed out of the kitchen.

Minutes later the table was set and almost everyone was present and waiting for the food.  Rogue came out of the kitchen with Sam close behind holding the pot of grits.

"Hold your bowls up."  Rogue said cheerfully as she grabbed a ladle and began spooning the grey mush out.  When they received their food each X-man stared at it skeptically.  

As Rogue went around the table serving people Sam stood behind her smiling.  While she was busy serving Storm, Sam began to wave frantically with one hand at those across the table.  Catching Beast and Bobby's attention he began to make gagging faces and then pointed at the pot.  Seeing their quizzical stares he then went on to rub his tummy and smile uneasily, then pointed to Rogue.  He made a series of quick kill signs across his throat and pointed at her again.  Sam repeated the series of gestures until both Beast and Bobby's faces lit up with understanding.  They stared fearfully at their bowls and then tapped the other people to their side.  Before Rogue had finished serving the last person everyone had been filled in on the situation.

"Alright then."  Rogue said as she finished serving and her and Sam sat down to their own bowls. "Dig in."

Everyone hesitated and glanced from one to the other.  Seeing no one make an attempt to eat Rogue gritted her teeth, "Why isn't anyone EATIN!!!"

When she yelled everyone quickly picked up their spoon, dug out a huge scoop and shoveled it into their mouths.  There was a collective pause as they all held the disgusting morsel in their mouths.

"I don link I can slollow lis."  Bobby informed Hank in a choked whisper.

"Courage Bobby."  Hank replied and tried to choke down his mouthful.

At his side Jean had managed to swallow her spoonful and quickly washed her mouth out with orange juice.  Taking a breath she smiled and said, "It certainly is an…interesting flavor."

"It's mah own recipe."  Rogue declared proudly, "Aw dang it, there's no more honey.  I'll go git some from the kitchen."

As soon as she left everyone began to scrape his or her bowls back into the pot.  Bobby grabbed his napkin and spewed out the grits he couldn't down.

"Hey you all."  Cannonball cried, "You can't dump it all back.   She won't believe that.  Come on!"  Nobody paid any attention.

"Ok I've got the honey!"  Rogue called.  Everyone quickly sat back down and smiled as Rogue entered.

"Wow, Y'all finished quick!"  Rogue whistled in amazement.  "And here you didn't like mah grits Cornball."

Sam shifted uneasily, "Yeah, huh-huh, shows what I know."

"So does anyone want seconds?"  Rogue grabbed her ladle and glanced into the pot, only to find it full again.  "Wait a minute."  She glared around the table, murder in her eyes as Gambit and Wolverine walked into the room.

"Der we done wit yo danger room session."  Gambit said to Cyclops, who only nodded as he stared in fear at Rogue.

"What's goin on?"  Wolverine asked, then held his hand up and waved it in front of his face, "What the hell is that nasty smell?"

"Smell like feet non?"  Gambit put in and held his nose.

"WHAT!!!"  Rogue yelled.  The dining room cleared out in a hurry, leaving Gambit and Wolverine to face Rogue alone.

"I can't believe Cyclops is still going thru with this." The winged Archangel said to Bishop. "The kitchens been trashed twice and then the dining room, all in less than two days."

Bishop shook his head and shrugged, "I guess we should try and do better than the last three groups."

Warren nodded.  The two men stood in silence looking at the kitchen before them. 

"So…" Warren began, "Do you know how to cook?"

"Nope," Bishop answered, "you?"

"No, usually I just order out and then pretend like I made it." The two men sighed and continued to stare at the kitchen.

"Maybe we can find a recipe to make." Bishop suggested.

"That's a good idea."  Warren declared and they began to riffle thru drawers, "Here's one for homemade pizza."  He held up an index card.  Bishop took the card and read over the instructions.

"You think we can do this?"

Warren was already pulling out the ingredients.  "Of course.  It those zit faced teenagers at the pizza shop can make one, I'm sure we can handle it."

Bishop agreed and helped Warren get the items they needed. 

"Ok," Warren said reading the card, "First we have to make the dough.  We have to sift some flour into a bowl."  

Bishop looked around at the various pieces of equipment they had gathered, "We don't have a sifter."

"Hmmm," Archangel thought, "hand me that strainer."  Bishop retrieved a metal colander and gave it to Warren. "Guess this will have to do.  Measure out the flour and run it thru here."

Bishop scooped out the flour into a measuring cup.

"Make sure you pack it down so we get the right amount."  Warren told him and Bishop began to push down on the flour.

"Here."  He handed the cup to Warren who strained it and went on to add the other ingredients. 

"We need yeast."  Bishop said and approached with a can.  The container had a pop-top ring and the mighty mutant struggled to pull it open.  "Stupid…" He muttered and worked the metal ring back and forth until it finally snapped off. "ARRRGGGGHH!!"  He yelled and squeezed the can until it exploded, most of the yeast landed in the bowl.

"Ok." Said Warren as he used his hand to wipe any stray yeast onto the floor.  "Now we just kneed it and let it sit for awhile so it can rise."

Warren stood leaning against the counter reading a newspaper.  On one side was Bishop reading the latest issue of Guns and Ammo, and on the other side was the bowl of pizza dough.  Warren had just gotten to the financial section of the paper when he heard a strange, if not disgusting, sound.

"Brrrt."  He looked up at Bishop who shifted from one leg to another.  Bishop said nothing so Warren went back to reading the paper.

"Bwwweeett."  Warren cast a sidelong glance at Bishop and saw him shift restlessly again.  Warren sniffed the air but couldn't smell anything so he went back to reading.  Over the course of the next couple of minutes or so Warren was treated to a series of disgusting sounds, each followed by an uncomfortable shift on Bishop's part.

"Frrrpp." "Brrrblll." "Pweeeet." "Urrrrrttt."

"OKAY THAT'S IT!!"  Warren yelled, startling Bishop. "That's just disgusting. Go and take a Tums or something!"

"What?" Bishop asked in confusion.

"Don't play dumb Mr. Gassy." Bishop stared at Warren in shock and then anger.

"Just what are you saying?"  He demanded.

"I'm saying your breaking wind over there, cutting the cheese, someone pulled your finger, your letting loose, a TURD is saying hello.  In short you're FARTING!!!"

"Hey that ain't me!  All those sounds were coming from you!  I just didn't want to say anything."

"From me?!"  You're the one that's dancing around over there."  Warren accused.

"I have to shift my weight around otherwise my leg cramps up."  Bishop defended.

"Sure, well if you're not making the noises, and I'm not, then who is?"

"I don…"

"BRRRRRRRTTTT!!!"  The loud rumble came from Warren's side and both men stared in amazement at the bowl on the counter.  There the bowl of pizza dough had bubbled over and was now covering the counter top.  It began to swell and grow, all the while letting out a series of foul sounds.

"That's just nasty."  Bishop commented.  As if in response the pizza dough let out a roar that sounded like a fat man on a bean burrito diet, and began to grow to fantastic proportions.  The mass of dough began to reach out with sticky tendrils and pull in objects it came into contact with.  The two X-men stood in stunned silence as the pizza dough reached out and consumed both the newspaper and magazine on the counter. 

"HEY!!!"  Bishop yelled and pulled out a gun. "Give it back!"

The dough responded with what sounded like a satisfied burp.

"Fine then."  Bishop growled.  He backed up towards a cupboard, gun still trained on the dough, and reached inside.  He pulled out a metal pan and clamped it onto his head.  Following his example, Warren picked up the metal colander and placed it on his head.  Specks of flour flaked down onto his hair and shoulders.  Warren nodded his readiness to Bishop who nodded in return.

"EAT THIS YOU PIZZA DOUGH FROM HELL!!!" Bishop yelled and unloaded on the mass before him.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! 

The hot bullets pierced into the sticky dough and disappeared.  For a moment the dough stopped expanding.  Suddenly the pizza dough sprang back to life as the heat from the bullets reactivated the yeast and caused the entire blob to double in size almost instantly.  

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Bishop fired at the monstrosity again, only to find that the blob was doubling again.

"Let's get out of here!"  Warren yelled.  Holding the colander down with one hand he sprang for the door.  Bishop followed him, shooting at the trailing dough.

They ran out the kitchen and tried slammed the door shut.  Almost immediately pizza dough began to ooze out from underneath and along the sides.

"We can't hold it back!" Bishop yelled, and the two sprang away just as the dough overpowered them and knocked down the door and flooded into the dining room.  Bishop held up his gun to fire again, but a huge sticky appendage reached out and snagged it.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!!"  Bishop yelled and refused to let go.  He tried bracing himself and tugged on the gun.

"Bishop!"  Warren screamed and grabbed him around the waist, "Let go!"

"Like Hell!"  Bishop yelled and suddenly the dough pulled him in.  Warren grabbed his vanishing foot and tried desperately to pull his teammate out.  

"RET OUTTA REAR!!"  Came a voice from within the dough.

"What?"  Warren yelled, still pulling.

"RET OUTTA REAR!" 

"I'm not going to let you be eaten by some psychopathic pizza dough!"  Suddenly Bishop's had thrust thru the dough and in it was a grenade.  "OH!"  Warren yelled and let go.  With a quick beat of his wings Warren was across the room.  He turned over the table and dived behind it, using both hands to hold the colander on his head.

KAAABOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!

The mass of dough exploded and splattered all over the room.  Warren crouched behind the table and was stunned to see Bishop fly overhead and make a crash landing against the wall, his pot helmet still firmly in place.  Bishop sat up and began picking bits of dough of his gun.

"I didn't think so!"  He declared and then kissed his gun, "Isn't that right sweetheart." 

"I can't believe it."  Cyclops moaned as he sank into bed.  "The kitchen and dining room, totally trashed."

Jean lay beside him and gave him a sympathetic look, "Well you got them cleaned up alright, didn't you?"  

"Yeah, but this is going so badly."  He sighed.

"Well I think it's funny, especially how you described Bishop and Warren peaking out from behind the table with a pot and colander on their head."  She began to laugh and Cyclops gave her a stern look. Jean leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"I'm sorry Scott.  I guess my point is, that it isn't all bad."

"Yeah right, the only hope I have right now,"  He said as he turned out the light, "is from the fact that you and Storm will be making breakfast.  At least I know I can trust you two not to destroy anything."

Well that's two days down.  What do you all think?  Is Scott gonna get a break on Wednesday?  Stay tuned to find out.  PS I was very happy to read all your comments, and intend to use some of your suggestions on the next chapter.


	4. Wednesday

Hello peoples.  Sorry it took awhile to get this chapter up, but here it is for your reading pleasure. PS thanks  for the reviews keep em' comin and I'll do my best to make you happy. 

Wednesday

The morning was bright and cheerful.  Sunlight streamed into the windows of the kitchen where there were no signs of pizza dough remaining from the night before.  Inside the kitchen Storm and Jean joyfully hurried about preparing breakfast. 

"I think the only way to get past the horrors of this week," Jean said as she whipped a bowl of pancake batter, "is to really outdo ourselves today."  

Storm smiled and agreed, "Yes.  I think today's smorgasbord of a breakfast will really do the trick."

Storm was cutting up fruit for a salad and Jean used her telekinesis to pour the pancake batter into a pan while she manually cracked eggs into a dish.  

"Lets see:  pancakes, French toast, fruit salad, toast, scrambled eggs, bagels, sausage, bacon and hash browns.   Yup, I think we should have enough."  Jean poured milk into the dish and beat the liquid.  Storm watched as Jean, humming in delight, went to the cupboard to fetch the bread.  Taking a small bottle from the spice rack Storm gently sprinkled in dusty brown powder.  

"What are you doing?"  Jean asked.

"Just a little cinnamon."  Storm replied as she finished adding the spice, "To add some flavor."

"Oh."  Jean said, slightly pursing her lips.  Storm moved back to cutting the fruit and Jean casually commented, "Aren't those pieces a bit too big for a salad.  Each slice seems like a whole serving to me."

Storm smiled, "Well, I suppose they're a little big for the lighter eaters on the team."

Jean nodded and began dipping the bread into the batter and quickly placing it into an empty pan on the stove. 

"You should let them soak longer."  Storm mused as she rinsed the still largely diced fruit.  

"If you soak them too long they get to soggy."  Jean replied with a slight hint of irritation.

"Yes, but if you don't soak them long enough they don't capture enough flavor."  Storm replied and began to soak a piece of bread as a demonstration.

"Storm I think I know what I'm doing here."  Jean replied as she gently pulled the dish of batter away from Storm using her telekinesis.  

"Fine."  Storm said and began to mix up a bowl of scrambled eggs. "It will just taste as bland as usual."

"Bland?"  Jean said in indignation.  She turned to face Storm, hands on her hips.  "My French toast is bland?"

"Oh not just your French toast Jean."  Storm said while adding salt and pepper to the eggs, "Most of your cooking is."

"WHAT?!"  Jean yelled.

"Well there's nothing wrong with it.  It just lacks a little flavor.  It probably suits you just fine though." 

"What is that supposed to mean?"  Jean said, glaring at Storm with fire in her eyes.

"It's just your not all that outgoing or exciting."

"Oh and how so."

"Well your clothes for example."

"My clothes?!"  

"Yes, they're all rather plain."

"Humph.  Well I guess not everyone can put it all out there like some people."

"Excuse me?"  Storm said, finally turning to face Jean and placing her hands on her hips.

"Nothing, Ms. Spice."  Jean said and smiled.  "Some people are just more open than others I suppose."

"Are you implying that my wardrobe is…"

"Oh I'm not implying anything, I'm pretty sure I just said it plain and clear."

Storm glowered at Jean and both women could feel the temperature rising and static electricity building in the kitchen.

In the dining room the X-men were already waiting for breakfast.  They all sat around the brand new table that served as a replacement for the one recently lost to the evil pizza dough from hell.  They each idly played with the dishes and utensils before them as they wondered what was taking so long.

"Man, I'm starving."  Iceman said and stared at his empty plate.

"Yeah, what's takin so long?  I could of gone out and killed something ta eat by now."  Wolverine growled.

"It is taking a while isn't it."  Cyclops rose from his chair and headed  for the door to the kitchen, "I'll go see what's up."

Cyclops opened the door and peered inside, "I don't mean to rush you ladies but…"

He quickly pulled his head back as a frying pan came flying towards the door.

"Take that you tramp!!!"  A shrill yell came from inside the kitchen.

"Hey, are de fightin in der?"  Gambit and the others quickly sprung from their seats and rushed to the kitchen door.  Inside Storm and Jean were throwing all sorts of things around the room via telekinesis and gale force winds.

"Oh my stars and garters."  Beast whispered in awe.

"This is better'n watchin Springer!"  Wolverine declared.

"Alright!"  Bobby exclaimed, "CATFIGHT!!!"

"I got five bucks on Stormy!"  Wolverine called out.

"You on mon ami!"  Gambit looked around and casually swiped the distracted Cyclops's wallet.  

"We have to stop this!"  Cyclops yelled.

"Are you kidding?  I'm not going in there."  Bobby said and the rest of the team nodded in agreement.

"Fine.  I'll go in."  Cyclops put on a brave and determined face and strode into the kitchen, closing the door behind him.

"Three, two, one."  Warren counted and Cyclops came tearing out of the kitchen with a bowl covering his head and pancake batter oozing down his collar.  

"So, how'd it go?"  Bobby grinned.  

"Look out!"  Warren yelled as the oven came crashing thru the wall, followed closely by bolts of lightning and flying cutlery.  

"Let's get out of here!"  Cannonball screamed and the X-men went diving for cover.

"We need to get to safety!"  Cyclops yelled.  

"Gambit on it homme!"  The Cajun reached down and grabbed a silver spoon.  He quickly charged it and flung it at the outer wall, creating a hole that the X-men quickly escaped thru.

They stood out on the lawn dusting themselves off and listening to the battle within.  

"Hey!"  Bobby exclaimed, "The kitchen windows!"

The X-men all ran around the side of the house to watch the chaotic battle between Storm and Jean.

"Who's winnin?"  Wolverine asked and jumped aside as a cupboard door came flying thru one of the windows.

"I don't know.  Jean?"  Sam said and then ducked for cover as a lighting bolt tore over his head. "Or maybe Storm."

"Geez, this is even worse than Wolverine and Gambit's fight huh Cyclops."  Bobby laughed.

"I…I…"  Cyclops muttered in shock.  More appliances were tossed thru the windows and pretty soon the whole yard was littered with debris.

"Well,"  Beast mused, "I'd say they've destroyed everything but, as the saying goes, the kitchen sink."

"Here it comes now!"  Wolverine yelled and rolled clear as the metal bin and pipes crashed to the ground.

"I stand corrected." 

Water spurted up out of the torn pipes and showered down on the two women inside the kitchen.  Cyclops stared at the geyser and slowly pulled out from the shock the battle scene had caused.  Recovering he gazed around at the other X-men who were all cheering on the fight and making bets on the winner.  Taking in a huge, angered breath Cyclops clenched his jaw.

"THAT'S IT!!!"  He yelled and everyone turned to stare at him, including Jean and Storm.  "I have had enough of this.  Everyone report to the war room!"  The others stared at him dumbly.  "NOW!!!"

Quickly all the X-men hurried back inside and down to the War room.  Cyclops stood out on the lawn alone for a few minutes contemplating the mess.  Beneath his red sunglasses his eyes narrowed in fixed determination.  

So what's gonna happen next?  Is Cyclops finally gonna call it quits or is he crazy enough to push on?  Stay tuned to find out.  Hopefully the next chapter will be here soon.  Until then I am Adam_bat.  


	5. War Room Meeting

Hello it's adam_bat again, here with two new chapters.  Thank you all for your great reviews keep em' coming and I hope that you enjoy the latest in Cooking With the

 X-men.

War Room Meeting

The X-men were all gathered in the war room awaiting the arrival of Cyclops.  Jean and Storm sat on opposites sides of the room and both were very disheveled and completely drenched.  Their hair was frazzled, splotches of unidentifiable food matter covered their bodies, and each of them had broken a nail.

Wolverine and Gambit argued over who had won the bet and all the other X-men stood around wondering what was going to happen when Cyclops arrived.

"Ok."  He said in a truly no-nonsense tone, "This week has been a total disaster so far.  That kitchens been trashed every single day and the dining room almost as often."

"So why don't we quite?"  Bobby asked and Cyclops glared at him.

"Were not going to stop until this team can work together without erupting into violence and property destruction."

"Why don't you just ask us to stop breathing, sheesh."  Bobby mumbled.

"Quite Drake!"  Cyclops snapped and Iceman closed his mouth, "Now rather than start all over or keep on the same track I've decided to make one last effort to get this to work.  I'm going to stay here and work on getting the kitchen fixed up, again.  In the meantime I've assigned new teams and you all are going to prepare dishes for a potluck dinner tonight."  Everyone groaned but Cyclops continued on, "These are the teams so listen up.  Iceman and Bishop, Logan and Storm, Jean and Warren, Gambit and Rogue, and Beast your with Sam."  

Each X-man turned to look at their partner; some happy with the pairing while others grudgingly accepted them.  

"And, since deciding what to make proved so difficult last time, I've also prepared some dishes for you to chose from.  One person from each team come up and pick a dish."  Cyclops held up a small bag with pieces up folded paper inside.  One by one each team pulled out a slip.

"So what'a we got?"  Logan asked and Storm handed him the paper. "Lasagna?"  He shrugged his shoulders and tossed the small slip aside. 

"Ooo, what did we get?"  Bobby tried peering over Bishop's shoulder.

"Dessert, were supposed to bake a cake."  Bishop crumpled the paper and bounced it off of Bobby's head.

"Cool!  Cake."  Bobby said pleased, "What'd you get Beast?"

"Chicken pot pie."  Beast replied and scratched his head thoughtfully.  "An interesting challenge if nothing else."

"Deviled eggs?!"  Gambit exclaimed, "Gambit too skilled as a cook to be troubled wit deviled eggs."

"Yeah, but look at your partner."  Sam joked.  Rogue eyed him angrily and he shrank down behind Jean as she fished around in the bag.

"I want to make something exciting Scott."  She mumbled.  Her hand seized a piece of paper and she pulled it out, "SALAD!  There's nothing exciting about salad!  Let me pick again."  She reached for the bag but Cyclops pulled it away.

"I'm sorry Jean but what you picked is what you make."  

"Fine."  She turned to Warren, "Let's go.  Will make the best, most exciting salad anyone has ever seen.  Or eaten for that matter."

"How do you make salad exciting?"  Bobby asked and Warren shrugged.

"Let's go Archangel!"  Jean yelled and left, Warren quickly ran to catch up.

"Ok folks that's it.  It's nine o'clock now and the kitchen should hopefully be done around noon.  That gives you plenty of time to get your supplies over at Costco.  Storm you have the card?"

"Yes."  

"Good then get going, the repair crew should be here any minute."

Slowly the X-men left the room.  Suddenly Bobby sprang ahead of the group and began running down the hall.

"I call shotgun!"  He yelled and the other men took off after him.


	6. The Shopping Trip

Okay, this chapters kinda long, but I think you'll enjoy it.  Its called…

The Shopping Trip

It took almost half and hour to get the X-men all piled into the van and another half hour just to get to the store.  After several small fights regarding who got to sit up front Rogue settled the matter by claiming the seat herself.  Then Bobby and the others grudgingly piled into the back and spent several minutes elbowing and pushing each other to make room.  Wolverine claimed the widest birth when he popped his claws and dared the others to move into his territory.   Seating arrangements finally settled they were off, but immediately got lost when Rogue tried to navigate.

"Well I never take the road, I usually fly ta where ahm goin."  She defended.  They finally arrived at the store and spent another ten minutes looking for a parking space.  

"We'll never find one."  Storm muttered behind the wheel.

"Well if this bozo here didn't take up two whole spaces!"  Rogue complained.

"I'll take care of it."  Jean said and telepathically lifted the vehicle.  She moved it aside and Storm drove into the empty space.  They all piled out and assembled themselves into their teams.

"Ok we'll meet at the front in one hour."  Storm declared while glancing at her watch.

"You better make that two."  Bishop said, "Looks like it's pretty busy in there."

Storm looked at the crowd making their way into the store, "Very well, two hours.  And please, don't anyone get into trouble in there."

The others all smiled at her and she sighed. 'What was Cyclops thinking?' She lingered on the thought for a few moments and turned to Logan.  "Shall we?"

Each team grabbed a cart upon entering the store and went out to search for their ingredients.  Jean and Warren headed to the produce with Beast and Sam following, Gambit and Rogue went hunting for eggs, Logan and Storm went after tomato sauce and pasta, and Bishop and Iceman had no idea where to go so they stood in the middle of the aisle contemplating their next move.

"Hmm, I guess we should just find a mix and see what the box says we need."  Bishop suggested. 

Bobby stared out at the store, transfixed.  "It's so big."  He said in wonder.

"Yes its very big.  Come on let's go find our stuff."  Bishop moved to take the cart.

"I want to push it!"  Bobby yelled and grabbed the handle bar.  Bishop sighed and took up the lead, Bobby pushing the cart behind him. 

"Well the signs above the aisle should lead us to…"

"Hey free samples!!"  Bobby rushed off to taste test some cheese crackers.

Wolverine had discovered the free food almost immediately after entering the store.  He quickly wheeled his cart over to the first stand and began to look over what was available.  

"Good morning sir!"  The lady with a pink apron said and presented a small piece of meat on a toothpick.  "Would you like to try a free sample?"

"I sure would."  Logan replied and took the toothpick and popped the tidbit into his mouth.  He began to gag and spit it out into a nearby trashcan.  "What the heck is that?"

"Why its our latest tofu sausage.  Its super healthy for you and tastes just like the real thing."

"Trust me lady, it don't."  He rubbed his tongue on the roof of his mouth and tried to get rid of the flavor.  "What else ya got?"  

Gambit stood at another stand examining a small plastic cup filled with purple liquid.  He rotated the cup and the contents sloshed around.  Taking a small sip Gambit swished it around in his mouth and intently studied the flavor. 

"Sir, its only grape juice."  The attendant informed him.  Gambit swallowed and smiled at her.

"Not after Gambit thru wit it."  The woman blushed and Gambit's grin widened.

"REMY what are you doin?"  Rogue yelled and Gambit quickly turned around.

"Noting, jus samplin dis here juice." 

"Sure ya were.  Come on help me check these eggs."

"We have to check all of our ingredients in order to make sure they're the freshest they can be."  Jean said while examining a tomato.  Warren walked up holding a bag of ready-made salad.

"Here you go."  He said cheerfully.  Jean looked at the bag and glared at him.

"Warren we're not using a ready made salad.  This has to be the best salad anyone has ever had, and were not going to find that in a plastic bag."

"Sure we are.  It's all in the presentation."  He smiled.  "You just have to sell it as the best there ever was.  I do it all the time."

"Really, how?"  

"Well you just rinse it off and serve it, and when that special lady…or man in your case…anyways, when that special lady starts eating it you just ask her in a smooth voice, 'is the lettuce crisp enough?  It's iceberg you know.'  And then she starts to giggle and you smile and she never even knows that it's some cheap bargain bag that you bought at the last minute."

"We're not going to do that.  Now go find some lettuce and make sure it's fresh."

Warren sighed and headed off to find the lettuce.

"Do we need any greens?"  Sam asked as Beast stood beside him examining their list.

"No, I think we shall stick to the basics of carrots, potatoes, and maybe a few peas."  Beast pulled up a bunch of carrots from a stand and examined them.  "These should do just fine.  Um, Sam could you please retrieve a bag to put these in?"

Sam nodded and went to a roll of plastic bags hanging from a rack.  He pulled on the end and ended up unwinding several feet of plastic.

"Dang it."  He muttered and re-rolled them to try again. 

"Bobby if you hit me with that cart one more time I swear…" Bishop warned thru gritted teeth.

"Well then hurry up, Logan's gonna eat all the free food."  They finally arrived at the table just as Logan was leaving, picking his teeth and grinning.

"The rests all yours."  He tossed the toothpick and went to join Storm.

"Oh boy, lets see what they got."  Iceman rubbed his hands together in anticipation.  "Eww moldy cheese." 

"Its not moldy cheese sir," The attendant informed him, "Its bleu."

"Its moldy."  Bobby restated and glanced about the table. "Do you have anymore samples?"

"No, I'm sorry sir, just the bleu."

"Yuk, I'm not gonna eat moldy cheese."

"Sir, its not moldy it bleu.  Its really quite tasty."

"I remember when we had to eat moldy cheese."  Bishop commented, a faraway look in his eyes.  "That was all there was sometimes and you had to fight the rats and other vermin for it.  All because of that wretched despot and those weak individuals who allowed it to happen.  I tell you if I…"

The woman stared at Bishop in shock, Bobby casually explained, "He's from the future.  So…nothing but moldy cheese then?"

"Sir, its NOT moldy cheese, its bleu."

"Its moldy cheese."  Bobby said genuinely.

"Its bleu."

"Moldy cheese."

"Bleu."

"Moldy cheese."

"Sir…"

"Hey Hank!"  Bobby called to Beast who was passing by, grocery list in hand.

"Where's Sam?"  Bishop asked, returning to reality.

"He's off wrestling with the plastic bags in the produce."  Hank grinned.

"Hey Hank," Bobby continued, "Isn't this moldy cheese?"

Hank examined the cheese, "It's bleu."  He stated.

"See sir I told you…"

"So in essence, yes it is moldy cheese."

"Oh!  I told you!  And this guys a genius so I think he knows Ms. _its bleu na na na._"  Bobby mocked the woman and she glared at him.

Hank shook his head and continued on his quest to find chicken for his potpie.

Logan and Storm stood arguing in the meat aisle.

"Listen Ro' I don't make nothin without puttin meat in it, got it!"  Wolverine growled and held onto a package of hamburger meat.

"I am not going to allow you to put that butchered animal into my lasagna!"  Storm declared.

"Hey, in case ya forgot its OUR lasagna, and I'll put whatever I damn well please into it."  Storm stared at Logan and he could feel the static electricity in the air pulling at the hair on his arms and neck.  Storm glanced around and saw that many of the fellow shoppers were staring at the two and whispering amongst each other.  She gritted her teeth, "Fine, we shall make half with meat, and half without.  Is that ok?"

Logan nodded and placed the package into the basket.  They wheeled their cart on to the produce to find some tomatoes.  When they arrived they ran into Sam who was squirming around on the floor wrapped in plastic bags.

"What the hell?"  Wolverine said and bent down to cut Sam out.

"Thanks ya'll."  Sam said as he drew in a huge breath.  "Stupid things had me trapped and people were just walking by lookin at me like I was crazy or laughin cause I was stupid.  Jean even came by and didn't even bother ta look at me.  Kept mutterin something bout a super salad."  Sam shook his head and wondered off to find Beast.  Logan and Storm just smiled at each other as they watched him leave.

Jean was running around the produce section picking out the best of the best.  She had sent Warren back several times now to find a good head of lettuce.

"They're all the same."  He complained and she screamed at him about not being bland and gave him a tip on staying alive, find her a decent head of lettuce.

Warren returned to the lettuce stand and stared at the green vegetables.  "They're all the same."  He muttered.  While starring he thought he spotted a particularly good specimen, but it was buried beneath the other heads.  'Figures.'  He thought and began to reach thru the pile for it.  

Gambit stood before a huge display of eggs.  He had already gone thru a great number of them, opening the carton and showing the contents to Rogue whom promptly rejected it.

"Merde Rogue.  All dese eggs are de same, please jus pick one."  He sighed as she rejected another carton.

"No they ain't.  Some of them gots tiny cracks, or weird splotches, and look at that one, its got yolk from another egg on it.  I ain't gonna let bad ingredients louse up mah cookin again."  

Gambit shook his head.  "Hey Gambit have an idea.  Why don you jus look thru all of de cartons and pick out de eggs you want?  Den we jus buy dos ones."

Rogue smiled, "That's a good idea swamp rat, come' on an help me pick them out.  We'll be done in no time."

Bishop and Bobby had managed to find all their ingredients and were waiting at the front for the rest of the team.  They had been waiting for a while now and Bobby was bored.  He looked around for something to do and spied a service phone.

"Hey I know how to get those guys up here faster."  He said and picked up the phone.  The cheerful elevator music in the store went off and the loudspeaker came one.

"Ahem," Bobby began and blew into the receiver, "Would the slow pokes in the X party please hurry up, I repeat would the slow pokes in the X party please hurry up."

He chuckled and Bishop rolled his eyes.  "Oh I got it."  He cleared his throat and in an announcers voice said, "Paging Seymour Butts, Paging Seymour Butts.  Please could Seymour Butts report to the service counter."  

Somewhere else in the store a second phone was picked up and a gruff voice came over the loudspeaker, "This is an announcement to the idiot Mr. Drake.  Hey Popsicle cut tha crap for I come over there and make the need for a cleanup in the frozen section.  GOT IT?!"

Bobby quickly hung up the phone and the music came back on.  The shoppers stared at one another in confusion, but soon went back to shopping.

"Logan, I'm sure that was unnecessary."  Storm said disapprovingly.  

"Hey you didn't want any trouble right?  So I took care of it."  She shook her head and began heading for the checkout.  

"We have all we need, as well as those items Cyclops requested we get.  So I suppose we should head to the front."

Logan nodded and they made their way to the checkout where Beast and Sam had already joined Iceman and Bishop.  Rogue and Gambit arrived with a hand basket full of eggs and Jean and Warren showed up with a cartful of salad fixings, Warren didn't mention to Storm how he had managed to cause a collapse in the produce isle and instead hid his face whenever a security guard walked by.  Storm nodded as each team arrived and they got into line were they impatiently waited for the slow cashier to ring up their items.  

"Price check on tomatoes, price check on tomatoes."  He high-pitched voice echoed thru the store.  "Price check on potatoes, price check on potatoes."

The man went thru price checks on almost everything in the first two carts before Wolverine finally got fed up.

"Listen bub, we ain't got all night so could ya hurry it up."

"Sir, yelling at me wont speed this up any faster.  Price check on…"

"RRAAAARRRR!!!"  Wolverine roared and quickly sliced off the top of the checker's microphone.  The man stared at Wolverine in fear, "Come on pal!  Speed it up!!"

He nodded and began scanning things at a rapid rate and letting items go that wouldn't scan.  When he came upon Rogues basket he stopped.

"Sir we cant sell these eggs like this."

"Yeah, why not?" 

"They come in a package."

"But I didn't want the rest of those dirty eggs, just these ones."  Rogue answered sweetly and put a hand on the basket.

"But ma'am…"

"She said she wanted those eggs now ring em up!"  Wolverine barked and the cashier quickly punched in a random number to represent the eggs.  Wolverine nodded and moved aside so that Storm could pay.

Shakily the cashier took her credit card but was unable to scan it.  He tried repeatedly, each time staring in fear at Wolverine who growled softly in the back of his throat.  Storm gently took the card and scanned it for him.  It immediately registered and she signed her receipt and thanked him.  He only nodded.

Outside Storm chastised Wolverine for his behavior, but he chose to ignore it and hurried to the van. 

"Let's just get home and start cookin okay?"  He growled and Storm sighed.  They loaded up the groceries and headed back to the mansion.  

If only grocery shopping could be that interesting huh?  Anyhoo stay tuned for the big event, a kitchen full of X-men.  Plus, Cyclops finally cooks with a special guest.  See ya then.


	7. CookOff

Sorry about the long wait for this chapter folks.  I hope you all aren't to upset with me.  I promise to be better with updating, especially now that the semesters almost over.  But for all of you I kept waiting thanks for the reviews and now here's the latest chapter from adam_bat, hope you enjoy.

Cook-off 

"We're done with the repairs sir."  The contractor informed Cyclops and handed him a bill, "As always it's been a pleasure working for you."

"I'm sure it has." Cyclops mumbled and stared at the large figure, "I mean, thank you.  I'll put the check in the mail first thing."  

"That sounds fine."  The man and his crew left just as the other X-men returned with their groceries.  

Logan whistled, "They did a nice job, new sink and everything."

"Yes they did," Cyclops said and then looked over the X-men, a stern expression set on his face, "and it was very expensive.  This is your warning, destroy this room again and there'll be hell to pay."

The other's looked at each other and bit their lips trying not to laugh.

"Ok Cyke." Iceman giggled.

"I'm serious." Cyclops stated, "I really mean it."

"Ok, we got it.  Hell ta pay."  Wolverine repeated and turned to unload his groceries.  The others followed suit.  Cyclops watched them.

"As long as we're clear on the matter."  Beast put a hairy thumbs up and Cyclops left out to the yard, taking a bag that Storm handed him.  

The kitchen was doomed to be crowded and the teams were quick to claim counter space.  All except for Hank and Sam, who were left standing in the middle of the kitchen holding their bags.  

"Jean would you be so kind as to…" Hank began and was silenced when she turned around, searing flames shining in her eyes, "Um…never mind."

They headed over to another counter and were promptly chased away by Wolverine and his gleaming claws.  They then turned to Iceman and Bishop.

"Could you two scooch over a bit?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, can we Bishop?" Iceman smiled and Bishop pulled out his gun and pointed it at the mutants.

"No."

Once again the two were rebuffed and finally they had to settle on attempting to join Rogue and Gambit.  Gambit leaned casually against the counter near the stove while Rogue carefully unloaded her eggs.

"Hey Gambit could you guys move over a little?  Me an Beast need some counter space to make our potpie."  Gambit turned to Rogue.

"Hey chere, dis home wants you to move over.  Gambit tink dat he's tryin to ruin your dish again."  Cannonball's eyes went wide.

"No! No Rogue I was just…"

"You git out of here Sam fore I…!!!"Rogue turned around and the two bolted.

"Perhaps we can work in my lab."  Beast suggested as he bounded down the hallway.

"Sounds good ta me." Sam replied and looked back over his shoulder, making sure Rogue wasn't following.

The counter positions being settled, the X-men went to the task of preparing their dishes for the night's potluck.  

"Hey Jean what do you want me to do?" Warren asked and reached for a tomato.

"Don't touch anything!" Jean nearly screamed and Warren quickly pulled his hand back.  "Just…just rinse the lettuce you bought."  He nodded and quickly headed for the sink where Rogue was filling a pot with water.

"Jus a minute Warren let me fill up mah pot to cook these eggs."  Rogue said sweetly as she waited for a huge black stew pot to fill up under a trickle of water.  

"Why don't you turn it up a bit?" Warren asked as he watched the slow water nearly drip into the pot.

Rogue frowned, "Ah don want mah eggs ta break."  

"Yeah, but you could…" He reached for the faucet.

"DON YOU TOUCH THAT BIRD BOY!" She screamed, Warren quickly backed away, clinging to the lettuce and wearily eying Rogue.  He stood in the middle of the room wings pulled up like a shield and head hung low waiting for Rogue to finish.

"Ok, it says to separate the eggs." Bishop informed Bobby as he read the directions on the package of the cake mix.

"How far?" Bobby asked and Bishop glared at him, "just kidding, sheesh."  He gently cracked the eggs, sending bits of shell into the bowl and tried to strain the yolk.  "This is hard." He muttered and then gasped slightly as one of the yellow spheres broke and dribbled in with the whites.  "Whoops."

Bishop looked on annoyed, "Well get it out of there."  Bobby nodded and did his best to fish out the slimy yolk.

"Yuck," He stuck out his tongue as he managed to pull some of the egg out and wiped it onto a nearby dishcloth.

"Good enough." Bishop noted and then returned to reading the package.  "Ok now we add the oil and beat with an electric mixer set on medium."

"Gotcha."  Bobby poured in the oil and then turned on the mixer, maximum speed.  The bowl whirled around on the stand sending batter flying and coating the two men's faces. "Whoa that was cool." Bobby smiled from underneath the dripping cake mix and then quickly ducked, avoiding the hand that came flying in to smack him,  "Hey!"

Bishop gritted his teeth, "Let's try this again."  He pulled open another box and dumped the white powder into the bowl.  "Separate two eggs."

"Good thing we bought more that one huh?" Bobby grinned and then lost control of another yolk, "Dang it."

Logan stood at the stove frying hamburger meat while Storm grated cheese for their lasagna.  They had both decided on the ready to bake noodles and so were just taking care of the other ingredients.  Logan nodded in satisfaction as the hamburger meat took on a slightly brownish tinge. 

"Alright, this is ready."  He brought the pan of lean beef over to Storm and the awaiting casserole dish. 

"Logan that is not cooked." Storm said after examining the meat.

"Sure it is, 'sides, it's beef." He pulled up the spatula and attempted to spoon in part of the meat.

"No, it's not.  Look most of it is still red."  Storm grabbed his hand, preventing him from adding the raw meat to her lasagna.

"Look this is my half of tha dish an I say that this meat is perfect." Logan growled.

"I will not allow you to poison our team with botulism.  Now finish cooking it or…"

"Or what?"

"Metal is an excellent conductor you know.  And I'm sure that I could easily finish cooking that meat, along with whatever or whoever is near it."  A booming echo of thunder shook the mansion.

"Fine."  Wolverine returned to the stove, "I still say there ain't nothin wrong with eatin things a little rare.  But whatever makes ya happy."

"Thank you Logan." Storm said and then returned to grating the cheese.

Back in Hank's lab Beast and Sam had finishing dicing their vegetables and cooking the chicken over a Bunsen burner.  Sam was working on the dough while Beast muddled over a set of dizzying calculations.  

"This stupid dough won't stay together."  Sam complained as he rolled over another ruined crust.  He tried to patch the pieces together and then scrunched them all back into a ball in frustration.

"A moment please." Beast said while scribbling across a piece of paper.  "Eureka!"  He turned to a counter lined with rows of test tubes and beakers and began to mix chemicals. "Here, mix this in with the dough."

Sam took the glass vial and stared at its contents in hesitation, "What is it?"

"It is a new compound that I have just discovered.  Not only will it solve your cementing problems with the crust, but it will also aid in shortening the cooking time significantly."

"Really?" Sam smiled and quickly poured the elixir over the dough and mixed it in.  He gathered another ball and began to roll, grinning as a perfect piecrust formed.  "Hey it worked."

"Of course my Kentucky native." Beast declared and pulled over the pie pan, "Now just drape it into here and we can add the filling."

Soon the potpie was assembled and baking in a small oven Beast Gerry rigged with Bunsen burners and scrap metal.

Scott was standing over a barbeque grill angrily striking matches and trying to light the pile of charcoal stacked in the middle of the black pit.  He was so consumed with his task that he didn't even notice when a blond haired man walked up behind him.

"What're you doing Scott?" Cyclops jumped, spilling the box of matches and spinning around angrily.

"What…?" His anger quickly faded as he saw his brother standing before him. "Alex! What are you doing here?"  He smiled and then bent down to quickly scoop up the matches.

"Nothing, just thought I'd check in on my big brother." He bent down and helped Scott and then the two stood, "What are you doing?" 

"Me? Oh just getting ready to barbeque, we're having a potluck tonight."  He turned back to the grill talking over his shoulder, still lighting matches.

"You don't have enough lighter fluid." Havok pointed out and grabbed the can.

"I think I can handle it." Cyclops stated and lightly pushed him away.

"No, really I can help."  Havok tried to elbow in and then settled for squirting the fluid over Scott's shoulder just as he dropped another match into the pit.

FWOOOM! A large plume of fire flared up and then quickly died down, leaving the coals burning.  

"See." Alex grinned and then laughed as Cyclops turned to face him angrily, "Hey your face is all black!"

"So's yours." Cyclops said flatly.

Jean was creating a culinary masterpiece.  She had carved out small ornate figures from the various vegetables and fruits she had gathered and gently set them in and around the salad bowl.  After Warren had finally brought back the cleansed lettuce she had forced him to the side and continued the preparations alone, leaving Warren with nothing to do.

He sat against the counter idly watching the others work and then casually picked up one of the tiny carrots carved into a small rabbit.  He examined the piece and then glanced down, picking up another shaped like a howling wolf.  Jean was busily arranging the lettuce in the bowl so that only the greenest pieces showed and Warren began to absently run the small animals thru the air.  He looked at Jean and saw she was still busy and began to become more engrossed with his play.  Suddenly the wolf began to bark and the rabbit shrieked, "Oh noooo." And began to run madly thru the air, wolf in close pursuit.

"I'm gonna get you, oh no! Oh yes bwahahaha! Oh no, yes, no, ahhhhh!!" The two pieces smashed together in Warren's hands and moaned pathetically.

"What are you doing?!" Jean hissed and Warren quickly looked up.  The other X-men stared at him in confusion and laughter and his face turned bright red.

"Nothing…here did you need these two yet?" He handed her the smashed pieces.  She glared at him then turned back to her salad, sending a cauliflower stem flying at his head.

Logan had finally browned the hamburger meat to a state that pleased Storm and the two layered it in with the cheese, tomato sauce, and noodles.  Storm gently covered the pan with a piece of foil and Wolverine carried it to the oven.  He double checked the heat and then placed the pan inside.  Bobby soon approached with his cake pan and tried to place it in the oven.

"Hold on Drake." Wolverine growled, "Where you puttin that?" 

"It's supposed to go…on the top rack…in the center."  Bobby replied, repeating Bishop's carefully ingrained instructions.

Wolverine shook his head, "Nope, that's where our dish is.  What about the temp?"

"It goes in at 325."  Bobby said hopefully.

Wolverine sighed, "Sorry Drake, this ovens set at 400 that's way to hot for that."

"Well maybe we could turn it down to 350, that's kind of in the middle."

"You touch that and I'll cut your hand off."

"But…"

"Get out of here…Now!" Wolverine popped his claws and Bobby skittered away.

"Jerk." He mumbled.

Bishop watched as Bobby quickly hustled back, cake pan still in hand.  "What happened?"

"The ovens to hot." Bobby said and handed him the pan, "ask Wolverine, he knows." 

Bishop grumbled and then placed the pan back on the counter. 

"Well what do we do now?"

Bobby thought for a moment and then his face lit up, "We could nuke it!"

Bishop considered the idea and then nodded, "That should work."  He grabbed the pan and Bobby opened the microwave.

"How long should I set it for?"  

"Put it in for half of what it says on the box."  Bishop decided and Bobby set the clock and hit start.  The cake inside began to spin around on the turntable while the microwave hummed.  It slowly began to bubble and expand and then it exploded.  Bobby and Bishop had just enough time to dive out of the way as the door blew open and cake batter erupted onto the floor.  

Bobby looked down at the mess and then went back to their counter, "Separate two eggs?"

Rogue and Gambit stood side by side cracking open the last of the boiled eggs.  They carefully cut them in half and scooped out the yolk into a bowl that was nearly full with the yellow balls.  

"Alright then," Rogue said proudly as she finished the last egg, "Now ta mix the fillin." 

Gambit watched as she began to add the separate ingredients and mix the filling for their deviled eggs.  

"You should add a little seasonin, chere." Gambit suggested and perused the spice rack.  He pulled out a couple of bottles and showed them to Rogue, who was glaring at him angrily.

"You tryin ta mus up my cookin' Cajun?"

He flashed a warm and charming smile, "Non petite, you now Gambit always appreciate the fine cookin of a beautiful woman.  He just trying to pitch in is all.  Cyclops did say we should work together."

Rogue glared at him a moment more and the broke down into a smile, "Okay then swamp rat, just be careful on how much ah that stuff you add."

"Sure ting Rogue." He began to sprinkle in the powder, "Little Cheyenne is just what dese here eggs need, dat an yo delicate skill."  Rogue blushed.

"Their ready Scott." Havok stated while examining the glowing coals.

"No, they should be grey."  

"I'm telling you, their ready right now."  

"No…"

"Here I'll put the grill on."

"Leave it alone."

"I can do it."

"Don't touch…"

"Just let me…"

"No, watch out your going to…"

Clang, fizzle.  The grill fell over and the coals spilled out onto the lawn, singeing the grass.

Jean sighed, "Finished."  She stood in front of a massive arrangement that resembled a delicate miniatures display more than it did a salad.  Tiny animals climbed and grazed over green lettuce leafs or stood amongst curled orange peels and rose blossoms carved from various kinds of vegetables.  

"Wow Jean, this looks great." Warren marveled.  He moved to pick up the platter.

"What are you doing?" Jean hissed.

"Just taking it to the table." Warren replied nervously.

"No!" She screamed and then glanced around at the stares and smiled, "I mean…no Warren, I can do it." She used her telekinesis to gently lift the display and carried it into the dining room.  Warren followed, taking a moment to gather the bottles of salad dressing.

"Okay, cake batter mixed…no lumps."

"Check."

"NON-metallic pan."

"Check."

"Microwave set on low."

"Check."

"Timer set for three minutes."

"Check."

Bishop sighed, "Okay let's give this one more shot."  Bobby nodded and closed the door to the microwave.  He added a small band of ice to make sure it stayed closed this time and pushed power.

The two men watched fearfully, hoping that this time it would work.  The final cake began to swell and bubble up and they cringed.  Then it settled out, forming into a nearly perfect picture of what a good cake should look like.  The microwave buzzed and they both smiled.

"Alright!"  Bobby grinned and gently pulled the cake out, "It finally worked."

Bishop grinned and looked back at the box, "It says to press gently on the middle and it should spring up if it's done."  He reached out and set his fingers on to the surface of the cake and grimaced.  "Its hard."

"What?" Bobby set the cake down and tried to press on the yellow cake, it was completely solid, "Oh man, this is Wolverine's fault." He turned and saw Wolverine and Storm pull a delicious looking lasagna out from the oven.  "I'll show him…"

"Later." Bishop grabbed his arm; "right now we're the one's who are going to get in trouble if we don't have our dish ready for the stupid potluck."

Bobby huffed angrily and then settled into thought.  "Hmmm…Hey! I got an idea!"  He raced out of the kitchen, taking time to grab the tray that was meant for the cake and a can of icing.

Bishop rolled his eyes and began to follow, "I hope it's better than your last one."

Scott ducked as a blast shot over his head.  He sprang up and fired one back and rolled clear of a third.  Havok crouched behind a bush and returned fire yet again.

"I know what I'm doing Scott!" He shouted and pulled his head down as a crimson bolt flew by.

"No you don't.  I'm older and wiser than you, and I know how to cook chicken!"  The yard was pitted with craters and holes and to the side…a grill with several pieces of chicken slowly burning to a crisp.

The battling men, however, failed to notice and continued to argue about the best ways to barbeque.  Cyclops snuck around a hedge, staying low to the ground and relatively silent.  He crossed the yard to see Havok crouching behind a bush and searching the field.

"Where'd you go Scott?" He called and stood up, preparing to fire again.

Cyclops charged at Havok and tackled him mid waist.  The two flew to the ground and began to roll around on the ground cursing and fighting.

"You girl!" Havok yelled out, "no pulling hair!"

"Then you stop biting!"

"Well you…hey *sniff* do you smell something?" 

"Don't even try that I know all about your cheap tactics.  I…*sniff sniff* hey something is burning."  The two paused in their fighting and slowly turned to face the grill spouting flames.

"THE CHICKEN!!!" They shouted in unison.

Okay next up…THE POTLUCK.  Stay tuned to sample the tasty dishes the X-men cooked up.  See you soon, I promise.  


	8. The Potluck

Ok here it is, the final chapter!  Hope you guys like it.

The Potluck

Bobby deftly moved the butter knife spreading the icing out perfectly.  The creamy chocolate frosting coated the surface of the cake and filled in the cracks between the stacked Twinkies.

Bishop held his knife and stared skeptically at the counterfeit cake.  "There's no way this is going to work."

"Of course it is," Bobby argued and cemented another Twinkie in place, "Its perfect, its genius."

Bishop shrugged, "Well I suppose its not like we have much choice anyway."  He glanced at the brick they had baked earlier.  He pulled out a glob of icing and began to smooth it out. "I hate to admit it, but this doesn't look half bad."

In the dining room several groups had gathered to put their dishes out on the long table set up there.  Jean continued to add last minute touches to her salad as Storm and Logan walked up, lasagna in hand.  

"Wonderful isn't it."  Jean said to Storm, a slight acid tinge in her voice.

"Yes, its very lovely."  Storm said half heartedly as she placed a potholder down so Logan could rest the lasagna on it.

Jean glared at Storm, "Of course it is you just…"

"Pardon ladies." Hank cut in as he pushed between the two to set a golden potpie on the table, "My what and extraordinary salad Jean, exquisite even."  He beamed and then looked to see the lasagna, "And Ororo, that lasagna looks fantastic.  You two are true culinary wonders."  They smiled at him and he gestured with his hand towards the dining table and chairs, "after you ladies.  I'm sure that Scott will be along shortly and we may begin feasting."  They both journeyed to the table and sat down.  Logan reached out and gripped Hank's shoulder.

"Nice save."

"All in a days work."  They both took a seat along with Sam and Warren.

Rogue set down a tray of ornate looking deviled eggs and joined Gambit at the table who pulled out her chair before sitting down.

"Ah wondah what's takin Cyclops so long." She mused after waiting at the table a few minutes.

"I can't believe you actually think this is going to work."  Cyclops grumbled as he watched Alex slather the chicken and he pulled grass out of his hair.

"Oh yes it is, trust me.  Barbeque sauce is like the cooking equivalent of duck tape.  It fixes anything."

Cyclops sighed and dusted off his clothes, straightening himself before picking up the tray of charred chicken.  "You better be right about this."

They both came in to find the other's already seated and waiting.  Cyclops glanced around the room and nodded until he noticed they were still one team short.

"Where is…"

"Right here!" Bobby called as he and Bishop hurried into the room, cake in hand.  "Sorry, we just finished icing it."

"Well put it on the table so we can get started."  Bobby took the cake and set it down at the end of the table.  As he headed to join the others he passed along the table.  Seeing the perfect lasagna he grimaced and gently touched the side of the metal pan.  Trailing his finger along its width as he passed he smiled smugly and joined the others.  

"Well alright, I see you all managed to work together and get this done."  Cyclops said while standing at the head of the table, "The dishes all look great…"

"ExceptforScott'sburntchicken." Alex said quickly in a cough.  Cyclops glared at him.

"I'd just like to say congratulations and let's eat.  One person from each team should serve while the other makes them a plate."

They all stood up and headed for the table, plates in hand.  "Now I want everyone to try a little of everything alright?"  They nodded and began to serve themselves.

"Dere you go Sam, deviled eggs with Cajun charm."  He placed several eggs on Sam's plate and then moved onto the next one in line.

"Jean could ah have some of yo salad there fo me an Gambit?" Rogue said sweetly while the others waited in line behind her.

"NO!  THIS SALAD IS FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY!" she screamed and covered up the salad with her body.

"Jean, you really need to…" 

"BACK OFF SCOTT!" she screamed and hit him with a tk burst, "NO ONE TOUCHES MY MASTERPIECE!"  Her eyes glowed with fire and the others stepped away.

"What the hell?!"  Logan roared from his position down the line as server of the lasagna, "This damn things frozen solid!"  Beast leaned over from his place in front of the potpie and tapped it with his spatula.

"Indeed, how very odd.  Are you sure you baked it at the right temperature?"

Logan glared at the frozen dish and growled, "Yeah, but that don't matter after a certain popsicle freezes it.  Where are you Drake?!"  He rumbled and then caught site of Bobby cutting up his cake, "I'm gonna kill you!"  Logan leapt at him and Bobby bolted, racing around the dining room calling out for help.

"AGGHHHH!!!! THIS IS HOT!!!" Sam screamed and suddenly his blast shell appeared and he began to ricochet off the walls screaming.

"These things ARE hot!" Warren yelped and spit out the egg.

Rogue turned on Gambit, "Did you muss up mah deviled eggs wit yo stupid Cajun charm?!"

Gambit smiled sheepishly and ran.  Over his shoulder he called back, "Dey taste fine to Gambit!"

Scott was pulling himself off the floor when Alex came up to stand over him.  "Troubles with the little lady Scott?" he grinned.  Cyclops gritted his teeth and stared at his brother.

Just then Beast's potpie spontaneously exploded and blobs of gravy and chicken bits sprayed around the room.  "Wow, this is going pretty bad huh?  Burnt chicken?" He offered a piece to Scott.

Cyclops yelled and tackled Havok to the ground.

Back at the table Jean was shielding her salad with her telekinesis and Storm walked up, shaking her head in wonder.  "Such fuss over a little salad."

Jean shrieked and leapt at Storm, and the two began to fight, pulling hair and screaming.

Cannonball careened off the ceiling and came flying down at the table.  He crash landed face first into Bishop and Bobby's cake, coming up covered in frosting and licking his lips, "Hey, those are Twinkies."

"You know our secret," Bishop said almost hypnotically, "Now I must kill you."

"Heh, that's pretty funny Bishop." Cannonball smiled uneasily, "With the gun and everything…um, that things not loaded right? Bishop?  Somebody help!!!!!" He ran as a shot was fired and a pitcher of lemonade shattered.

Sam ran by Beast screaming but the blue mutant was busy poking at the leftover crust remaining in the pan, "There must have been some sort of chemical reaction during the heating process, curious."  He used his claw to gently pry apiece off and examine it.  "Oh dear." He whispered as the pastry began to vibrate, he tossed the fragment away just as it exploded.   

"Gang way!!!"  Iceman screamed as he slid on a stream of ice across the room, Wolverine in close pursuit.  Warren saw the approach and took to the air, colliding with the battling Storm and Jean.  All three dropped to the ground, crash landing on top of Gambit who quickly tried to squirm out from beneath the pile to get away from Rogue.  He was saved when a stray blast from Cyclops struck Rogue and sent her flying and crashing amongst the others.  

Iceman was frantically looking back over his shoulder at Logan and didn't see the pile up until he was on top of it.  Wolverine tripped over a chair Havok had tossed at his brother and grabbed hold of Beast trying to save himself from falling, only to pull Beast down with him and they both slid across the floor on the icy patch and wound up bunched with the others.  

Cannonball came screaming by and dove into the pile, begging the others to shield him from Bishop who slammed into Havok.  The two also became a part of the mess and the X-men lay in a heap on the floor, cursing and trying to fight their way out.  Cyclops stepped out from behind an overturned table and groaned.

The walls of the dining room were covered in debris and craters; the floor was awash with spilled fluids and chunks of food; and his team lay in a heated mess in the center of the room.  Covering his head with his hands Cyclops sat nearby the pile and tried not to sob.

Slowly the others disentangled themselves, shoving each other away and forming a circle around Scott.  They were a sorry looking group as most of them were covered in some kind of food mush, and all of them had some sort of wound or injury.  They all looked at their leader and each other, not sure of what to do.

"Scott?" Jean said gently and knelt down beside him, "Are you okay?"

"No," he mumbled from underneath his hands, "this went so bad.  I was stupid to think this would work."

"Oh Scott, its not your fault, your not stupid." She looked up at the others for help.  They stared at her blankly and she glared at them.

"Um…yeah Scott your not stupid, your…" Iceman said and shrugged.

"Naïve." Beast put in, "but in a good way."

"Your just a little to optimistic." Storm clarified.  

"Yeah an besides its not that bad." Sam said, staring doubtfully at the room and X-men.

Cyclops looked up angrily, "How is this not bad? Even the food was bad.  The eggs were to hot, the lasagna was frozen, the cake wasn't real and your potpie exploded  Not to mention my charred chicken. We were supposed to be getting along like a family, and hell I can't even get along with my own brother!"  He gestured at Havok who rubbed his arm self-consciously.

"We were gettin along like one." Rogue said timidly.

"She's right," Warren agreed, "were just a little dysfunctional."

"Try a lot." Iceman laughed and Bishop smacked him in the back of the head. 

"So we're no Brady Bunch."  Jean said while helping Scott up, "But you have to remember the things we do together, and the reasons were a team.  Its not every family who can go out and save the world and then come home and live in the same house together."

"She's right." Storm said with a smile, "If you think about it it's pretty amazing how well we do get along."  

"Yeah, and if you ask me." Bobby said with a grin, "Those Brady's were a crazy bunch.  That or really high."  

Cyclops rolled his eyes and then smiled at his team.  "I guess you all are right. Well I think this mess can wait, what say we go out and get something to eat?"

"Good, enough of this 'We are family' crap," Wolverine said distastefully, "the way you all are talking makes it look like we actually like each other or somethin."  

Cyclops nodded, "Ok then, so where should we go?"

"How about Denny's?" Iceman cheered.   

So what did you think?  I hope you all liked it.  Thanks for your reviews and I hope to be back soon with another tale.  Until then I am adam_bat!  


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